Celibacy: Living it without complexes

By fashionlifeshopping 31/08/2022 1281 Views

Celibacy is a controversial subject, difficult to approach and assume for the main interested parties in France.With 40% of singles in France, or 8 million French people aged 15 and over, the company tends to judge individuals without partner or children, age advancing.There is paradoxically an increase in the number of singles for several decades: celibacy would today concern 36% of French people in 2006.

“Dans les grandes villes, un couple sur deux a déjà divorcé ou est en situation de divorce»

Catherine Demangeot, psychotherapist and sexologist, explains this situation by the change in mentalities of the French:

"A mathematical reason justifies the growth in the number of singles, today in France.In major cities, a couplesurge has already divorced or is in a divorce.Separated from their spouse, these people will return to the celibacy market »indicates the psychotherapist.

"In addition, the life of a couple relationship in a big city is 3 years, thereby increasing the number of singles".

For many individuals, celibacy is a choice, a model of life.

"In our industrialized societies, we are torn between a desire for professional and individualistic life, but also a desire for common life".

Celibacy: women live it more extremely than men

"Women live either very bad, or better their celibacy than men, there is no just medium" analyzes the psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen.

"Regarding the first category, the idea of being alone seems dramatic to them.On the contrary, in other women, it is a feeling of freedom as it would never be viable, at that age ".

Accept your fate and face it with energy or surrender in a deep melancholy, this is the diagram put forward by S.Cadalen.

“They will feel more independent, will favor their social relations, and will even have a more unbridled sex life.Celibacy and its consequences are more extreme in women.Some of them do not recover from a break, it is a final failure of their lives.Other female patients feel free, even after being left ».

Celibacy: men suffer more than women

Célibat : le vivre sans complexes

An appreciation of the celibacy to which Psychotherapist Catherine Demangeot also ranks, with the same reasoning: “The status of bachelor generally seems to me more difficult to face on a daily basis among men, past quarantine.There are several reasons for this.We tend to ask ourselves questions about the reasons for the celibacy of a male individual.Conversely, women seem to flourish with age, "said the couple specialist.

"It is not uncommon to meet fifties in the stable professional situation, well surrounded, whether by their loved ones, but also in good company, because they assume sexual freedom, age advancing.

It is around menopause women know the golden age of their sexuality: they are all as capable of giving pleasure as to receive them.They are comfortable with their body, and experienced, mostly.

Menopause therefore does not mean the end of the sex life of women.

Today women have taken their lives in their own hands and are less and less afraid of facing the eyes of society ".

Pour mieux vivre son célibat, “remettez vos besoins en question»

"The end of a romantic relationship is a death that scares us," says Sophie Cadalen.

“A break in doubts your certainties.If you feel sinking, this is an opportunity to get help.You have to give way to sorrow, fear and anxieties.It's a good time to end up with you before rushing into a new relationship, "adds the specialist.

"It is also important to wonder if the couple is really the best solution, you can question their legitimacy" specifies the psychoanalyst, for whom the couple is not an end in themselves, each individual with different sentimental needs.

Single, aerect your mind and meet people!

For Catherine Demangeot, it is necessary to favor outings, to meet new people, to take care of the mind with her friends and loved ones: “In order to make your period of celibacy interesting, you have to succeed in love and separateyourself, in order to be able to engage in a couple relationship.The associative world will meet many criteria and give satisfaction »shares the therapist.

In the very opinion of the psychotherapist, it is essential to set up on your own needs, in order to live your life on your side, without requiring a partner.

“You have to take time for yourself, and get out of your daily life.Avoid getting drunk with work, which can be compensation for loneliness, in some cases.The bachelor is afraid of confronting the void and the lack.Take advantage of this lack of lack to take pastry lessons, learn a language or volunteer »adds C.Demangeot.

Death of the partner: Accept to live alone, as a severe rupture

"I have patients who come to consult after the death of their spouse" launches Catherine Demangeot.They are still in the idealization phase, after 3 or 4 years of relationship.Contextually the other disappears, it is the appearance of the phenomenon of finitude ".

In addition to the end of a more or less long sentimental relationship, losing your half affects a person on multiple levels: "There are two types of existential anxieties: said finitude, which represents the end of life, irremediable.The second is solitude "specifies c.Demangeot.

"Another existential anxiety appears: the responsibility and the quest for meaning: what would my life be without the other?We no longer know who we are, losing his partner »analyzes the specialist.

The couple specialist leans for a balance between a full social life, without avoiding being alone, in order to face yourself.

Mourning of the spouse: Let yourself go to your emotions

"Like love, the death of his partner is one of the dramas of life for which one cannot be prepared" underlines Sophie Cadalen."Love falls on us, a new love that opens up to us.This brings us back to our human condition.

For the couple specialist, it seems essential to mourn by granting himself moments for oneself, without knowing in advance what often difficult periods you will cross.

"Some people will need to talk to others, others will face solitude.Part of these widowers will wish to redo their life »she specifies.

Sophie Cadalen's advice: let yourself go completely, and thus empty your mind after such a large loss."It is not possible to predict this type of dramatic event, you have to listen to yourself and remain indulgent with yourself" concludes psychoanalyst.

Celibacy exposed to those around him: hold on to criticism

Do not let yourself go and retort in the face of remarks, here is the advice of Sophie Cadalen, in the face of criticism: "The best way to face it is not to lend the flank to the judgment.To justify yourself is to expose yourself to the latter.You can learn to dodge, kick in touch, avoid questions.The judgments are everywhere, it is necessary to seek to avoid them ".

Humor is a means that turns out to be effective, according to the psychoanalyst.It will defuse the situation.According to her, he seems counterproductive to strive to look like others, if this does not allow you to fully live your life.

Assume your celibacy, be proud of it

For Catherine Demangeot, it is important to help help, when necessary.“If we are a happy bachelor, it is important to say it.One day, when the opportunity arises, you will be happy to go to another, which will suit you best ".

The sexotherapist aligns with the remarks made by Sophie Cadalen: savor her celibacy as much as her relationship as a couple, making the efforts it takes to change her situation, in order to live well with yourself and those around you.

Single people represent 40% of the French population, a situation that should make the main ones concerned to manage to live it well.

However, the company has efforts to be made, according to Catherine Demangeot.“You shouldn't be afraid of traveling alone, in single.Single people, traveling will meet lots of people, being sociable.»

The couple therapist offers the word of the end: "The quality of the relationship, more than love is what maintains a relationship.It is essential to devote time to improve the quality of the different aspects of the couple, emotional, sexual and leisure.Difficulties remain in our society, which thinks that we cannot have a fulfilled relationship by living alone. Or, le célibat n’est pas forcément lié à l’isolement».