How does infidelity disrupt sex in a couple?

By fashionlifeshopping 01/06/2022 1321 Views

Infidelity necessarily leads to a situation of suffering. All the more difficult to live with when being in a relationship means exclusive love and sex. But the carnal bond is not broken, "explains the sexologist.

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A honeymoon phase

At the very beginning, when infidelity is revealed, the couple's sexuality becomes a second youth. The deceived spouse, afraid of losing the other, resumes his intimate life in order to prove to him that he still loves him, as Marie Binet tells it: «they are living a new honeymoon. Unconsciously, they want to get closer and are surprised by this renewed desire and pleasure. One way to hold on to the other, to keep it all against you. A form of intimacy that also helps to calm one's anxieties of abandonment. But this happy interlude will be of short duration, as the wounds are far from healed.

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In the masculine and the feminine, two opposing attitudes

En quoi l’infidélité perturbe-t-elle la sexualité dans le couple ?

After about a month, the heat is extinguished and the effects of the backlash are often heavier than previously thought. If a deceived woman feels betrayed and dirty, a man feels ridiculed, affected in her ego and manhood.

Attitudes will radically diverge. "on the feminine side, it is common to distance yourself, not to have sex with the one who has touched another woman. Giving is precious. They Don't want it anymore and they want to protect themselves so that they Don't suffer any more. On the male side, on the other hand, they will do everything they can, using seduction and attention, to win back their partner, "the conjugal counsellor explains.

And, on either side, whether unfaithful or not, woman or man, each unconsciously waits for the other to take love initiatives in order to testify to his love.

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When the body and the head no longer follow

But the psychological shock is sometimes so strong that the body gets stuck and doesn't follow. "some men will experience their first sexual breakdowns, for fear of not being as successful, of not being as successful as the lover. Some women will refuse any physical contact, because they can no longer be touched by those hands that have caressed another, "insists Marie Binet.

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And, in this context where communication and rapprochement are almost non-existent, overcoming one's suffering, passing the course and better starting on a new basis is proving to be very complicated. "it is often necessary to call on a couple therapist to get back together, restore confidence and return to a full sex life or, unfortunately, turn the page and move on to new adventures. We're not in a position to know what's right or wrong, "the sexologist concludes.

* author of infidelities and marital crises, Odile Jacob.

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